Editors Note: This is from about 1999 or 2000
when this site was known as dorfworld.com (before some chinese pinko bastardstole my domain during the renewal period). The reason I bring this out
now is because just yesterday, some young woman driver pulled into traffic without looking, forcing me to brake
sharply on a snowy road causing me to skid out of control. Luckily,
I was not hit---though I wanted to hit her.
the Road Rage Quiz!
The asshole who just has to turn out into my lane 50
feet before I get there--even though there isn't another
car behind me for 4 miles--then proceeds to drive 10
mph under the speed limit. This usually happens on a
hilly/curving road with virtually no chance to pass
him and his rusted out piece 'o crap. This fuckstick
is just begging for me to tailgate his ass.
All white teenagers playing that goddamned rap music.
That shit-for-brains loser driving a rusted out 1984
Chrysler Reliant who flips me off because he ran a yield sign, but is too stupid to realize he's
the stupid one who ran the yield sign. This is one of
my favorites because I know I have another rager on
the other end of my rage. The only difference is that
he is the dumb one and can be intimidated by someone
driving a vehicle with all four wheel covers present.
Anyone from Illinois, or anyone sporting a Minnesota
Vikings or Dallas Cowboys sticker on their car.
Any car with a "Kerry-Edwards" bumper sticker.
This is probably my best bet for a preemptive road rage
strike in that anyone supporting these two butt wipes
is either a baby killer, a tree hugger or one of those
sicko PETA fanatics who would rather kill a baby than
a lab rat. Either way these ignorant fools have a bullseye
on their car
Instead, I got the
dorfmobile heading the right way down the road again and eventually caught
up to the offending driver at the 18th Street stoplights. I pulled up
right next to her on her left and glared at her. She knew what she had
did and refused to look my way. I honked my horn, but she still looked
straight ahead. Another honk...no response.
do I tell you this? To show how the skilled Road Rager can still make
his point without resorting to violence.
don't get what all the fuss is about regarding the increased frequency
of road rage. To me, RR is a good thing and even saves lives. But do you
think our government and law enforcement officials think so? Hell no.
With applying just a little logic (granted, a difficult task when you're
a congressman or a patrolman trying to fend off a donut craving) these
morons would see that road rage is not the evil it's been portrayed to
On the surface, outsiders
see RR as the violent manifestation of some deeply held anger by the "rager",
but this is but one point of view, and rarely the real cause of RR. The
dynamics of RR strike much deeper than this.
For example, perhaps the
"rager" is not the raving lunatic he appears to be at the superficial
level, but is attempting to communicate with others on a non-verbal level.
Not all crappy drivers have a cell phone in the car so that I may politely
call and tell them they're shitty drivers. And if they did, I'm sure I
don't have their number. Besides, do you really want a bad driver distracted
by an incoming phone call?
When I do my "raging"
it is not because I harbor ill feelings toward my own self or society
as a whole, but a desire to impart to the "ragee" that he is
a fucking idiot and should not be on the road with other cars. Hey, it's
nothing personal, but if you're a menace to myself and other safe drivers,
I'm going to let you know that in the most unforgettable and frightening
way I can.
Remember: you get but
one chance to make a first impression. If you fuck up on the road, you
blew your one and only chance to impress me. Chances are if you can't
read a stop or yield sign, then you're too stupid for me to have any desire
to forge a long term friendship with. Why should I string you along? No,
it's better if I just come out and indicate you are a shithead . It's
better this way, believe me.
For the idiot who incurs
the rager's wrath, RR serves another purpose: To reaffirm that he is an
idiot who has no business on the road. This is classical Pavlovian theory
in action. Tell the moron he's a moron enough times and he'll eventually
believe it. Make the moron afraid to venture out on the road, and he'll
stop driving. And when he stops driving, he'll no longer be in danger
of getting himself or innocent driver's killed in an auto accident. So
you see, road rage saves lives. Simple, isn't it? Yet Road Rage is still
There are other reasons
to openly embrace road rage. When I'm the victim of someone's idiotic
driving I usually have some choice words for the offending party to go
along with my repitoire of obscene hand gestures. Often, my children are
in the car to hear these choice words. These are the same kids who still
believe that "shut up" is a naughty word. I guess I'd call them
naive when it comes to cursing. Anyway, I don't want my kids picking up
this filthy language on the streets. If they are going to drop some F-bombs,
I'd rather they picked it up from me. At least then I'll know that they'll
be using phrases like "you fucking asshole", "watch it
you stupid bitch" or my own personal favorite "die you cocksucking
piece of shit", correctly and in the proper social settings and context.
As an expert in the psychology
of road rage, I've often been asked questions about this so-called malady.
I'll answer a few of most common questions here.
Q. Is road rage necessary?
A. Without road rage the
nation's roadways would turn into a deadly gauntlet for safe drivers.
Road rager's are much like deputy's on the roads. Without RR crappy drivers
would flourish. We must not let that happen.
Q. Is there a future in
A. You bet there is. The
baby boomers are just now starting to reach senior citizen age. What this
means to you, the aspiring road rager, is that the population will be
teeming with older drivers---older drivers with failing vision and dulled
reflexes. You can figure out the rest I'm sure. Also, have you seen what
the public schools are putting out? The kids are getting dumber and dumber,
can't read a lick and have more body piercings than IQ points. You do
the math. The outlook for Road Ragers is very positive.
Q. What kind of living
can I hope to make as a road rager?
A. The more effort you
put into road raging, the greater the rewards. It's all up to you